Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
