i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
