some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
