I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
