i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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