I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
