I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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