We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
