She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
