you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
