you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
