Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
