i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
