I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
