I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
