You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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