A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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