He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
