If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
