She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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