Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
