And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
