how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she told me i tasted like america
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
