Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
