it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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