College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
