apparently the secret to your success is patron
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
