I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
