she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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