I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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