I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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