Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
even my farts smell like vagina
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
