I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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