you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my poor anus
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize