Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize