Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need water and some morals
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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