He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
