the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dicks are not precious.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
