Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
