Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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