Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
