Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
