Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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