You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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