I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
