wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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