It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
