Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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