Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize