My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
