U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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