I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
