She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
