Screwed.edu
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
