apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
