i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
