i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
