Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
