some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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