Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
