We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
