I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
