so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
