used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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