we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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