She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
