Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
