She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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