I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
