You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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