Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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